winter

it looks like winter outside! no sun, wet, cold. there is supposed to be snow on the way, i wish it would hurry up! there was a little snow on the ground saturday when we got up. not much, just enough to call it snow. i couldn't wait for my kids to wake up and see it. of course it wasn't enough to play in, but they were so excited! i remember that feeling from when i was young.
and...pomegranates and oranges! the joys of winter. we cracked open a pom last night. g wasn't thrilled, but j though it was great...he spent about an hour in front of the tv eating it one seed at a time. food in the living room is a big "no, no" but how could i take that little joy away from him(and me)? i am going to get some oranges today on the way home...there is nothing better than a december orange! or maybe i'll get some clementines.
i like winter, i like the cold, and i like all the little things that come with it!

my G

well, it's been awhile. i thought maybe i should give it a go again. my little guy, G, just had a birthday. he's 3 now! my baby isn't much of a baby anymore...well, except that he refuses to be potty trained. he yells, "NO! i want my diaper!" that is a whole rant in and of itself, but i prefer to gush over how much i love him at the moment.
i've said before what a trial he is, but he really is an amazing person! he is very creative, always playing little games he makes up, playing make believe. when i get home from work, he runs to me and tells me, "Mommy! i missed you!" and then as i rush past him to the bathroom(i have the bladder of a sparrow), he follows me saying, "love you mommy, love you mommy, love you mommy...mommy...mommy...(yes, g?) love you!"
i spend a lot of time on my feet at work, and have been walking/ riding public transportation since gas prices have exploded(my work gives us free metro passes!)...so, my feet and legs are usually tired and aching by the time i get home. he gives me kisses. kisses my knees, kisses my arms. "that feel better now mom?" then tells me, "sit back" so he can climb up on my lap and snuggle me for a moment...it lasts for about 5 minutes from the time i get home, and then he's off. but that 5 minutes is so special to me. just to know he is so happy to see me, that i was missed by him. he really is an incredible little person.
he got rsv when he was about 8 weeks old, and spent 3 very scary days in the hospital. ever since then, i have had him bonded in my heart in a way that only he could be. i just know that he is destined for great things...he's a big person in a very tiny body, he just fills a room. i imagine that he is a very old soul, and it is frustrating sometimes for him to be in this 3 year old's world. it is too much for him sometimes, and i know it is my job to try to help him.
i may not know how to be a perfect mom, but he makes me want to be the best mom i can be. so that he can turn in to the best man he can be, and fulfill the potential that he has.
i love my G. what would i do without him?

Jbug

my sweet boy j.
he will never really comprehend his place in my heart. he opened up a whole new world to me. a world where roly polys are cooler than computer games and where you can love someone all the way to the trees on the other side of the world and back(cause that's really far, mom!). he is so sure of my love, sometimes i cry just to think of him.
he just turned 5, where did the time go? he is growing so fast. i just know that in an instant he will be grown and gone, even though he promises me he would never ever ever leave me. he promises he will stay with me forever and ever! my sweet baby that has turned into a little boy.
he just came through an illness. it turned out to not be anything serious, but at first, for a full day, we thought he was very ill. i now want to hold him a little longer, squeeze him a little tighter. i can't even let myself think on if something bad had happened. it's too much for me. i can't do it.
so, i'll just bug him a little more, kiss his head an extra time, squeeze him a few seconds longer, and tell him i love him all the way to the stars.
he knows i do, and he loves me back.
what could be more important?

why don't my kids listen to me?

i mean seriously, why don't they? i try to be a good mom. i always thought i'd be the kind of mom that i wanted when i was a kid. am i? i don't know. all i know is i open my mouth and apparently nothing comes out.
my youngest is 2 years old. he is a holy terror. he is a sweet, affectionate, caring, loving little guy...when he feels like it. the rest of the time he is stubborn and ornery! he is sneaky and will not listen! i am currently searching for products to remove the black sharpie off my loveseat...yeah, that's fun...
he had a 45 minute fit a couple days ago...45 minutes of screaming! i mean, i try everything, but he is just never satisfied. he is going to send me to the nuthouse...can you tell i'm frustrated?
i don't know what he needs, but it's obviously something i'm not doing. i swear i'm going to call Super Nanny! maybe i just got spoiled with my oldest who is almost 5. He never ever did the things my 2yo does. i know you're not supposed to compare your children, but i was so spoiled. J has always been a joy. not perfect, not without his own trials for me, but a Joy!
G however, has been a trial since the beginning. I love him as much as any mother could love her baby, that's not the issue. If that weren't true he would probably be hanging, wrapped in a duct tape cocoon in his room by now. it just never stops with him.
the thing i worry most about is him being happy. i want him to be fulfilled and expressive and joyful. not always in trouble. not always having mommy and daddy telling him, "NO!" i want him to have the best, be the best. but i feel like if i can't get the basics through his skull he'll never have that.
SIGH.....
i love my kids...motherhood is hard....this is no newsflash...
i just have to keep praying and trying, never give up, never give up...
i mean is that even an option?

so.....

so, do i really want to be a blogger? it is yet to be seen! in the mean time, i thought it might be fun to give it a go.
here's a little about me...i'm a 35yo married woman with 2 kids. sounds boring, right? well that's just the tip of the iceberg...there is so much to talk about. i could right a book about my hubby alone. my kids, well they are just a trip, and then there is the rest of my family.
yeah, we'll give this a try. maybe a little release for my spinning head would be good for me. i can always use a little more mental health aids...
but for now, i'm off to the doctor...seems a mutant swarm of mosquitoes attacked me the other night and i'm having some sort of issue on my leg...i'm telling you, never a dull moment!
that's all for now!
crabbie!